Sexy v Scary : Kinks and Sexual Health

People are increasingly open to talking about sex, and want to be more experimental in their relationships with themselves and others. Having said this, so many of us just don't know where to start; how to sort the good information from bad. This article talks you through some of the most famous sexual kinks and practices, with some excellent advice and tips. Stay safe, check consent, and enjoy the time of your life!


With the publication of erotic fiction booming, sex toy websites allowing discreet and affordable exploration, and magazines throwing out advice on “spicing up your love life”, BDSM and other diverse kinks have reached the spotlight in recent years. However, what often gets overlooked through all of this sexiness is the unsexy practicalities. So, sexy or scary, here they are!

BONDAGE

Seems pretty simple right? Grab some rope and a willing partner and strap them down - until, all of a sudden, you’re lying there with your arms twisted in a weird position, and you realise you’ve left your underwear on and have no way to get out of it. First things first: communication! The most important thing about bondage and BDSM is trust and mutual respect. Next step: what to use to tie your partner. Duct tape might seem great at the time, until you have to peel it off, and the experience takes a harrowing turn. Instead, handcuffs can be great for beginners or light play, but exercise care as tugging on them can cause some suspicious bruises. Shibari rope found on sex toy websites is great. However, the easiest option is either silk ties or bondage tape which can be found for as little as £4 in sex shops or online stores.

SEX TOYS

Whether with others or solo, sex toys are a great way to heighten arousal and help reach orgasm or tease. As a bonus, they’re becoming far less taboo due to greater exposure both in advertising and on TV shows. Always remember to use condoms when sharing a toy with a partner, and to change them when shifting from vaginal to anal use, as harmful bacteria can be passed and can cause yeast infections or UTIs. Also remember to thoroughly clean toys afterwards using hot water and antibacterial soap, but make sure to rinse well to avoid any irritation. Finally, make sure to only use flared base toys for anal play and always check your toys for any cracks or damage before use.

FINGERING AND FISTING

Sex organs come in all shapes and sizes, so keep that in mind when embarking on fingering and always take things very slowly. With trimmed fingernails, clean hands and the use of condoms fingering can be a great experience, whether it’s a pinky or a fist. If attempting any large insertion, remember these two vital things: relaxation and lubrication. Start small and work your way up, stopping if you feel any discomfort or pain. Use plenty of lube and remember to keep adding more as you work your way up. Finally, be gentle and listen to your partner; don’t move too quickly or be too forceful at first and communicate! If you’re at all tense or uncomfortable it may be a very unpleasant experience so just remember to relax, enjoy yourself, and feel free to stop at any time.

PUBLIC PDA  

Love it or hate it, we’ve all seen it: But some people want to take it a step further. Sex in public places is one of the most prevalent kinks in Britain, as seen through the dogging community, but it can also have its dangers. A good motto to follow is “safe, sane, and consensual”. If you’re having sex in a park, on a beach or public toilets you’re exposing other people to your loving, including families. Instead, if voyeurism or exhibitionism is your thing, you can always try adult webcam chatting services. Or, if you’re interested in group or anonymous sex, BDSM clubs and meet ups happen regularly and can be found on adult dating and fetish websites (just remember to be careful if thinking about meeting up with anyone online!) The thrill of getting caught is great, but really not worth the embarrassment or legal problems if found, so keep it in a place with consenting adults only.

Now, my friends, go forth and f*** yourselves and others! Just remember to always check consent and make sure you’re properly relaxed and ready for any activities, including using lubrication, contraception and protection (including dental dams for oral sex).

*Free condoms can be found at the union in St Andrews or from representatives in halls.*