Dating as a religious virgin

Sex can be complicated enough at the best of times, but combine religious beliefs with student life and there are some serious challenges. This inspiring author talks about her faith and what motivates her to hold off having sex until marriage. 

I’ll cook you dinner; I’ll sit patiently and listen as you complain about your day; I’ll even give you a back massage; but when it gets to that point of the night when you give me the ‘should I stay or should I go?’ look, I’ll politely show you to the door. Don’t worry, it’s honestly not you, it’s me. I can’t let you stay the night because due to my religious beliefs, I don’t intend to have sex until I’m married.

So I suppose after telling you this it comes as no shock that I haven’t had many of those romantic evenings I just described. While I don’t regret my decision to remain a virgin, it does make things extremely difficult when it comes to dating. It’s incredibly scary. By the time I’ve become intimate enough with a man where I feel the need to tell him I won’t give him sex, I’m emotionally invested to the point that, if he can’t accept the decision, it’s crushing when he walks away. This does happen, and believe me, it stays with you. You get to the point where you sit, peering at your date over a cup of coffee, wondering how long he’s going to stick around before being teased with short skirts and low cut tops loses its appeal.

It’s not just the pursuit of long-term relationships that are difficult. Casual hook ups take on a whole new meaning as well. When I drink - and trust me, whisky always seems to find me - I’m always wary and cautious when guys are around. One of my worst fears is to wake up the morning after a good old-fashioned university p**s-up to find that something I’ve been hanging onto for 21 years has gone to some stranger because my third GlenLivet thought it was a good idea. Then what do you do with all the urges and emotions that come with being human? The need and desire to feel close to someone, without the actual ability to act on your impulses? Frankly, if I had an easy answer for you, I wouldn’t be writing this now. It’s an uphill battle, opportunity by opportunity, in which you constantly decide if this principle really is that important to you. 

Reading this over, it appears that I’m not making a strong case for why I abstain in the first place. I guess if we’re going down the rabbit-hole of religion’s perspective on sex and relationships (God help us all) I must conclude with some testimony of faith. My relationship with God is incredibly important to me, and the benefit of having belief is that it is often accompanied with hope. Hope that God has someone picked out and waiting for me down the road of life. Hope that I’ll find a man who will want to be with me to the point that he is willing to wait for sex. And, of course, hope that, when I do eventually have sex, I’ll be damn good in bed.