An article by Jessica Yin, with words of reaffirmation for all women who have been told they are ‘undateable’ because of their busy schedules, or ability to manage by themselves. You are not undateable, you just need to find the person as awesome as you are.
To the girls they call undateable: Do not stop being confident, outgoing, and the life of the party. Be the force of nature that you are in a social situation. There is nothing wrong with being shy, but there is also nothing wrong with being forward and extroverted. Go ahead and start the conversation, make the first move. Talk too fast and laugh too loudly, because you should never make yourself smaller to avoid overshadowing someone else.
Remain ambitious and stay assertive, because you have every right to dream big and work hard to make those dreams a reality. So what if they find it intimidating that you always have a plan, like to be in charge, and have taken on a leadership role or three? To shine brightly is a good thing and, as long as you don’t snuff out others to make yourself brighter, then you can continue on making plans to rule the world while smiling. This is your life and making the most out of it is a perfectly reasonable way to live.
Don’t let them make you feel guilty for being busy or feeling quite comfortable in your independence. There is nothing wrong with being a whole person, looking not for their other half, but a complementary person. If they are concerned about your ability to prioritize, your friends can tell them that when you love someone, you shuffle around your schedule to make sure you are there for them when they need you. Sure, you may need to stay up late, or get up early to get enough coursework done before a ‘girl’s night out’ or a ‘movie night in’. You get it done, because you would never be too busy for the people that matter.
Never let someone make you feel like you express emotions or feel love the wrong way. Your version of love may not look like constant companionship and non-stop conversation. That’s okay. I know you give 110% to everything you do, and that includes loving the people that care about you. Your love is unconditional and strong, constant even if expressed in small gestures of support instead of time spent in the same space. And, to be honest, you may ask for love in the subtlest of ways. Despite seeming to always have it together, there are moments when you’re not sure you have the answers, or even a plan to find the answers. There are times when you really need a hug or someone to tell you it’s going to be okay. To be busy, is not to be incapable of affection; to be efficient is not to be without the desire to be loved.
No one can tell you when and if you want a relationship. Despite common folklore, you are not a machine, and even if you don’t mention if often, maybe you are looking for love. Sure, in the past you’ve not been ready and it would have been selfish to add someone else into the chaos of your life that was barely being managed as it was. But you are not confined to what you have been before. If people do not update their perceptions of you as you change, then the mistake is theirs, not yours.
To the girls they call undateable, you are not undateable. They are just not capable of handling the awesomeness that is you. They are the ones that aren’t right for you. But that is not to say that you are broken or lacking. You are capable of loving and being loved. You are perfect the way you are. Stay true to yourself and those that matter will love that.