Ah, the age-old bisexual question: how are men and women different in bed? Sabine Waldeck bares all as she answers this question using her own personal sexual experiences with these two genders. Note: because the author’s experiences have been with only cisgendered men and cisgendered women, these are the only genders discussed throughout the piece.
Dear reader, let's get intimate. I know sex usually isn’t discussed without wine and facemasks during a girls’ night, but who says it can’t be? The idea that sex is a taboo topic is something I never really understood, so let’s get into it.
Because I’m bisexual (which you would know if you read any of my other articles), I get the privilege of having sex with two different genders. And from my escapades I’ve found some differences between the two genders I’ve had experience with.
Disclaimer: this is a generalisation. This is what I have personally experienced, meaning that I’m not speaking for everyone, and in fact I’m positive not everyone will relate to what I will be saying.
I’ll start with men.
For me, it’d actually be more accurate to call them boys. If we’re talking one time or party hook-ups, guys are generally not the most respectful. What the girl wants to do, or what will please her, is not typically considered. I’ve found that boys are more focused on their pleasure and what feels good for them, especially when it comes to finishing; usually it doesn’t matter if the girl has finished, but once the guy has, bam it’s done.
Like I said, this is the general standard, and there are those outliers who care for the girl and will go out of his way to please her. Props to those guys. But, unfortunately, this consideration does not typically happen unless a relationship has been established. I’ve found that whether I’m in a FWB (friends with benefits) situation or a serious committed relationship, men will care more for me and really have a more open dialogue on what I need to have a great time. This can be attributed to the fact that sex is so shamed in society, especially for women, so a girl tends to feel more comfortable telling her partner what she wants when she is in an established relationship. But during more casual encounters, sex is usually weighed in the guy’s favor.
Women on the other hand seem to spend a lot more attention on their female partner. Part of this is probably because one is typically putting in the work with little pleasure of their own while the other is receiving. This then in some ways forces women to be more attentive to their partner, and what they are experiencing. It is more of taking turns pleasing each other rather than one being completely fulfilled while the other is just kind of left as an afterthought. Of course, there are some women who will just receive satisfaction and not give the same to her partner, but that is not an average case from what I have learned.
The differences in these sexual experiences can be explained by a few things; for example men are not typically taught how to please a woman, nor the importance of it. How men attain sexual pleasure is more often than not portrayed in the media, so that becomes what is practised in the bedroom. Also, the pure way women have sex leads to them having to be more aware of their partners’ needs and *cough* completing the task at hand *cough*. Finally, women understand each others’ bodies a bit more than guys do, since they have the same anatomy and it is easier for other women to work with than a guy, since a lot of the time they don’t understand female anatomy and sexual pleasure.
Whatever it is, the importance here is not saying, “Oh guys only care about themselves during sex,” but instead to just bring a bit of awareness to the fact that sex needs to be talked about. If this is to change, and straight men are to care more about their female partner’s pleasure during sex, then that pleasure should be more openly discussed so that everyone understands what is to be expected.